


Hospital Flowers

by Anonymous



Series: Inside a Mind of Clouded Sky [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Amnesia, Car Accidents, Depression, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kissing, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 14,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Witnesses to a horrible hit and run Dan and Barry take responsibility to care for the victim, a woman who can no longer remember who she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I survived a dreadful accident

“Waiting at the light in the rain in the rain we’re waiting at the light in the rain~” Dan sings a parody of a song he heard online beating his hands against the steering wheel as he waits for the light to turn, Barry next to him nodding his head to the tune as well the rain pouring down around them. 

“Light is red and there’s a girl a-head walking in the rain in th- HOLY SHIT.”

There was a girl in front of them, walking her bike across the sidewalk, but just as she cleared past their car whatever car that was coming up behind them decided that waiting for the red light was too much of a hassle this late at night and swerved around their car…

The car didn’t even stop after it hit her sending her flying over the roof of their short sporty vehicle, it swerved a little but kept going, out of sight in the pouring rain before the woman had even hit the ground.

Barry and Dan sat there for what felt like a long time but was probably only seconds, unable to believe what they’d just seen. 

“Calling… Calling.” Barry stammered out scrambling for his phone as Dan threw the car into park and got out to check on the woman.

“Oh… Oh please please don’t be dead.” He begged seeing her laying at an uncomfortable angle face up, eyes open and she wasn’t moving. A deep panic welled up inside of him /she’s dead oh god she’s dead I-/   
As if timed she closed her eyes, her mouth opened letting out a small noise of pain and distress. “Oh thank you sweet zombie jesus.”  
Kneeling next to her she started to move, wailing now in ragged breaths, one of her legs kicking on the ground, the other very much not moving at all.

Even in the dim light he could see where the bone was sticking out.

“I’m… Really sorry…” Dan mumbled before crawling away and throwing up.

Barry was out of the car then, talking on the phone still, approaching the woman with a sense of purpose. “Hey are you okay?” He asked a little lamely considering how she was still sobbing, gasping for breath between screams.

“NO!” She spat out, giving up on trying to sit up and instead covering her own mouth, jamming fingers between her teeth trying to muffle the sounds.   
Closer now Barry could see some of the damage but was able to keep a lid on his stomach a little easier than Dan.  
“Her leg is very, very broken. I don’t know- Hey are you hurt anywhere else?”   
“I don’t know…” She got out between her hands in too much pain to really tell where it was coming from. “Ribs- Ribs too, ah… God why.” 

Dan had come crawling back by then, pulling off his jacket to hold over her, trying to keep the worst of the rain off her face and to shield his own eyes from the sickening angle of her leg.  
“Hey lovely, it’s gonna be okay. We got you, ambulance is coming it’ll be fine.”  
“I can’t… I can’t look it’s bad? It’s bad ohh it’s bad it’s bad”  
Dan took her hand that was now scratching at his knee looking uselessly for some kind of relief, the only kind he could offer being of the emotional support variety.   
“It’s… Not that bad?”  
“Didn’t you- just throw up?” She questioned between ragged gasps of breath.   
“Um.”

Barry kneeled down too, trying to adjust a bit of his jacket already thrown over his head to cover her as well, the rain was not being helpful to anything.  
“Hey, the ambulance is on it’s way, do you know where you are?”  
“Yeah- Glendale.”  
“Awesome, what’s your name.”  
“I’m… I’m—“ Her sight locked and head fell back before she said anything.   
“Hey, hey, hey stay with us, c’mon stay awake!” Barry snapped his fingers in front of her eyes twice trying to call her back but the best he was able to get was a wet wheeze while her eyes rolled right back to their whites making Dan cuss and let out a scared sound before her eyelids finally fluttered shut.

She could hear somewhere in the tunnel she was in the sound of a man talking, his voice soothing and sweet. She wandered toward it, wanting to hear it more…

“Please wake up darling, lovely, c’mon gorgeous don’t leave us here like this. You’re gonna be okay lovely, just hang on.”

Feeling a hand so warm in her own, she hung on.


	2. My shattered hopes collapsed on cold cement

Consciousness came in fuzzy clips.

Jarring stabs of pain and wailing sirens.

A suffocating sensation with a mask over my face.

“I can’t breath…”  
“It’s okay, just count backwards from 10.”  
“Is someone… singing?”

“—And don’t you know it’s so beautiful today—“

Bright lights, numb everywhere.

And suddenly I was awake, staring at a nurse who had come in adjusting an IV in my arm.  
“I can’t— I can’t feel my leg.” I complained getting her attention, feeling muffled by an oxygen mask over my face.  
“It’s okay, we blocked the nerves so that you wouldn’t move it during surgery.”  
“Surgery?” A sense of panic welled up in my chest, I couldn’t remember coming here, I couldn’t remember surgery. “What?”

“Can you remember? You were hit by a car?”  
“No— No I don’t…” It was scary, having such a big thing happen and the entire moment of it locked out of your mind.  
“Can you tell me your name?”  
“I’m…” It was there, at the tip of my tongue, a word that I knew so well but slipped out of my grasp just as I was about to say it. “Um I’m… I’m…”

I tried sitting up, needed to get out, needing to find this part of me that I’d suddenly lost, feeling a rise in panic as memories crumbled in my mind.

“It’s okay, calm down, you had a really bad concussion so this isn’t unusual. When’s your birthday?”  
A question you could answer  
“What day is it?”  
A question you couldn’t answer  
“How old are you?”  
Answer.  
“Mother’s name.”  
Yes  
“Father’s name”  
No  
“Family name”  
No  
“Where do you live”  
No

More no’s than I liked to the questions asked large gaps in my brain, vauge feelings and impressions when I searched.   
My Dad had blue eyes.  
My Mother had a contagious laugh.  
Did I have a sister? A brother?   
My bed had a green blanket.  
But where was it located?

And a voice, a warm voice with a song I couldn’t remember the lyrics to…

I was allowed to rest before I was taken away, put into a machine that scanned my brain and told me what was obvious.   
Slight swelling.  
Cracked skull.

Brain.

Damage.

There was a police officer waiting in the hospital room when I came back, pulling the curtain over to give us a semblance of privacy from the other patients.

Many of her questions were the same.  
And I still didn’t have the answers to them.

Were those flowers always there?  
Halfway through the interview I noticed I was staring at a small potted plant next to my bed. Touching one of the soft fuzzy leaves a memory came to me.  
“African violets.”  
“Sorry? What was that?”  
“Oh, nothing I just… Remembered the name for these flowers. Did you bring them?”  
“… No.” The officer kept asking questions until she was satisfied with your answers, or lack of them, leaving you a card to contact if your memory came back or if you wanted more information on your ‘case’

As much as I wanted to rest then I was not given that option as right after the police officer came a man in a suit.

Apparently he was my social service worker.

His name drifted through one of my ears and clear out the other, I wasn’t sure if it was the medication I was on that was keeping my pain to a dull throb or my head injury that made what he said so hard to follow.

Maybe it was just that it was complicated.

All I knew was that in the morning, I would receive a free pair of crutches and the kindest of boots out the door. 

There was more than that, paperwork I was filling out.   
(Mostly with blank spaces.)  
Bills that were being written off.  
(At least until my identity was discovered.)  
Appointments and rehabilitation and prescriptions handed to me in a large file.

He looked tired and busy and only slightly interested in my problems, but maybe I was being too short with him. My answers felt fuzzy and far away and considering he moved positions and spoke louder I’m pretty sure at one point I fell asleep and he shook me awake.

And yet with a drip in my arm I felt my ability to focus and care a very fragile thing. Things were going to be fine, I felt great, my mind was a zen filled blank that somewhere under it all was a frothing justified panic but for now it was good.

All good.

Until the next day when I found myself on a bench outside the hospital with nothing more than my torn and dirty clothing, a flower, and some crutches.

As the drugs in my system slowly wore off and I returned to reality, the blanks in my mind looming ever present on me and the pain in my body throbbing to keep everything in the sharpest of focus.

Finally I realized how fucked I was.

And I cried.


	3. Happiness returned to me through a grave emergency

If there was one thing Dan couldn’t stand to see it was a lady crying. 

Worse yet, a clearly injured lady crying.

“Hey lovely, are you okay?”

When she looked up he realized he was talking to the woman he had come to see, a frown on his face at seeing her out here. /Shouldn’t she still be inside? She’d been hit by a fucking car for god’s sake./

“I know you.”

She sounded so small and confused that it broke Dan’s heart. 

“You sang to me.”

His hand went through his fluffy hair as he laughed, not really embarrassed since there were worse things about their first meeting on the road that she could remember. 

“Yeah, I see you got my flower I uh, brought you a friend.” He lamely holds up a little stuffed bear making it’s paw wave at her trying to bring a smile to her lips but she just looks more worried.

“I’m sorry, I can’t remember your name, I- I can’t remember anything I… Do you know me?”

/No way/

“You can’t remember anything? Like you just mean of the accident right?”  
Her head shakes and she looks down tugging on a piece of her hair, voice wavering as she tried not to start crying again.  
“I mean I can’t remember… Anything. I don’t k-know who I a-am” Her voice crack and Dan sits beside her, arm instantly going around her shoulders to let her break down, he can feel her shaking and can’t even imagine how scared she must be. “What do I do? What do I do? I can’t… I c-can’t” 

He rocks her as she cries whispering questions he doesn’t have the answers to but just makes soothing noises at her telling her that it was going to be okay, that he wouldn’t leave her, that she would be fine. Her tears don’t stop but they alter from emotional worries to physical ones, hiccups and small whimpers of “It hurts” making Dan finally let her go and pull back. 

Of course she hurt, her leg was wrapped up and he knew under that it was broken, face more bruises than clear skin, her arm a vicious black and blue on the side that she was hit. She was probably cold too considering she was just in yoga pants (with one leg cut off) and a tank top (Had she been wearing a jacket that night? He thought she had, what happened to it?) 

He shrugged off his own leather jacket wrapping it around her, getting down on his knees on the ground to look her in the eye, ever so gently wiping the tears from her face.   
“Stay here okay? I’m going to take care of this.”

She had an envelope in her hands that he gently eased out of them going into the hospital, eventually (and not as quickly as he’d liked) coming back out to get her with a “borrowed” (without asking) wheelchair to bring her back inside while he spoke with the nurse, her social service worker, a doctor, a lot more nurses, and a lot more Public Social Service officers over the phone to get everything she needed sorted out except the one thing she needed most.

Her memory.

But at least she had the next best thing to getting that back, which were some really good drugs.

Dan felt a little guilty as he put her into his car, she had no protests to anything that had occurred after he got a nurse to get her some pain killers. Had he been anyone else, had he even just been someone hearing about this, he would have been through the roof thinking of some strange man swooping in and taking a girl away from the hospital. He felt sketchy as all hell doing it to her but what else could he offer? She didn’t know where she lived or have any friends to call, she’d clearly been out at some event that didn’t require her wallet or ID when she’d gotten hit and while Barry had found her phone on the pavement after the ambulance had driven away it was as ruined as her bike was. (Both they had taken home with them under the assumption they’d eventually get them back to her)

He couldn’t leave her on the street like this, he was pissed off to high hell that she was apparently “too cognitive” to be placed into a care facility and how generally unhelpful some of the hospital staff was in the face of offering her any long term plans. Shocked that without a name or address or any kind of missing persons report filed for her by family she was considered homeless and thrown out like that.

“I’m buzzing.” She mumbled at him in a sing-song voice, far too high now to have any worries.

“I’m sure you are.” Dan giggled a little amused by some of the stuff she had been saying to him all day. Those must have been some good drugs.

“Zzz zzz zzz. Zzz zzz zzz.” She mimicked the buzz patting at herself. “S’there a vibrator in my pocket?”

“OH! My cellphone must be going off, lemmi…” He pulled over not wanting to take his eyes off the road, something about seeing an accident like her’s and he had gotten 10x more paranoid about his own driving. “May I?” Asking permission before touching her he fished his phone out of his jacket pocket that she was wearing. 

He’d missed quite a few calls.

“Hey Bar, sorry I haven’t answered your calls, gotta turn off your cellphone in hospital.” He felt bad since he’d just put it on silent and forgot to turn it off. (Not knowing you don’t actually have to do that anymore.)  
“You were still there? It’s already so late, I didn’t think visiting hours would go this long. Is that lady okay?”  
“Uhhhh about that… She’s gonna stay with us for a few days.”  
“…What?”  
“You’re not going to believe any of this but she’s got amnesia, well post-traumatic retrograde amnesia.”  
“You’re fucking kidding me.”  
“No dude I’m fucking not but that’s not even the worst part, the hospital just booted her out. Like fuck if I hadn’t gone to visit who knows what would have happened to her, they just handed her some crutches and showed her the goddamn door I mean fuck a duck what is wrong with the world. I thought Obamacare fixed that kind of shit.”  
“I dunno man, but you’re just bringing her home I mean, isn’t there somewhere else she can go?”  
“Fuckin’ what do you think I’ve been doing all day man? I got a referral to another hospital which when I called referred me to another place, which told me to bring her all the way out to fucking Lancaster.”  
“Jesus Really?”  
“Yeah, and then they’d only do a check on her and it would be like three days before they could confirm her as a Jane Doe and see if she qualifies to be accepted there and in the meantime she’d be out on her ass because you apparently can’t even stay at a homeless shelter without I.D, and fuck if I’d make her go there, I’d put her in a hotel but aparently all the guests need ID for that too. Jesus man this is the shit I had to dig to find out, like there’s no way she could have done any of this crap so… She might as well stay with us and I’ll just y’know figure something out.”  
“Dan… I mean I know you’re trying to do the right thing but you don’t—“  
“Barry we’re like three blocks from the house it’s a little late to try and talk me out of it.”

“I like berries…” The woman popped into the conversation “They’re sweet.”

“See and she already likes you Barry.”  
“I heard that, girl is high as balls isn’t she?”  
“So very, very high, aren’t you darlin?” Dan asked getting a smile and a wave from the teddy bear in her lap.

“I guess I’ll get the sofa ready. It’s on you if she kills us in our sleep.”


	4. I tossed and turned, in sterile apathy.

Barry was already up when he heard the thump from the living room and the screaming that followed.

Rushing in from the kitchen the woman was on the ground on her side clutching her leg, clearly having fallen over, /has she tried to stand up?/

“Hey, it’s okay what can I do?” He asked kneeling next to her, flinching back when she jerked away from him the look of absolute confusion and terror in her eyes. He backed up quickly when she made a pain-filled grunt with a feeble attempt to crawl/roll away from him.  
/She has no idea where she is…/

“Hey, shh shh it’s okay, you’re okay, I’m Barry, that’s Dan.” He added, Dan now coming onto the scene, she didn’t look like she recognized him either, if anything the addition of another man just seemed to agitate her more. “You’re at our house, you got hurt a few days ago. Can you remember that? Anything?”

Barry’s heart went out to her, how scared she was, it must be terrifying waking up in a strange place hurt and alone surrounded by strange people you didn’t know and then when you looked further into yourself finding no answers to any question you might have. 

He couldn’t even imagine what it was like to not know your own name.

“I-I-I…” She stammered looking between him and Dan, not shying away when Barry gently moved forward and helped her sit up, clutching his arm in the obvious pain she was in.  
“Dan does she have any medication?”  
He snapped his fingers with an “Oh yeah, in the kitchen.” Moving to get it for her. 

“You’re…”   
“Barry.”  
“And he’s…”  
“Dan.”  
“And I’m?”  
Barry bit his lip and shook his head not able to help her with that piece of information but she nodded accepting it quicker than normal. “I remember— I-I mean I remember not remembering… I don’t— I don’t remember coming here.”

“Sorry, you were really high on pain medication when I brought you here that was uh… Kinda fucked up of me I’m sorry.”  
“Dan?”  
“Yes?” Now he was at her side, three small pills, a chocolate bar, and some water  
“Sorry, just checking. What are these?”  
“Oxycodone I think? You’re supposed to take three, three times a day, with food.” He offered her the chocolate bar first and she took it, but then handed it back asking to be helped back up onto the sofa.

Arranged now with pillows behind her back and under her leg to keep it up she ate her chocolate and took the pills peppering them with questions. 

-Who are you?  
-Where am I?  
-What do you do?  
-Where are you from?  
-What happened to me?

“I’m sleepy…” She mumbled eyes already drooping, the medication clearly coming into effect.   
“It’s okay, you can go to sleep, we’ll be here.” Barry offered soothingly getting up off the floor where he’d taken a seat not wanting to be looming over her.  
“Thanks.” She slurred head dropping out like a light.

“Fuck Dan.”  
“I know, I know, I know, I’m sorry.” Dan’s hands where in his hair pulling at it with worry. “Is this going to be like 50 first dates every time? Where she just won’t remember anything? Ever?”

Barry shrugged, he didn’t know but he was going to research as much as he could to find out. “I’m gonna call Arin, I’ll stay home today, I can do my editing from here.”  
“I can stay too.”  
“Sure, We should talk to Brent, give him her case file and cellphone, see if he can find someone to fix it. Figure out how to find out who she is.”  
“Yeah, I— I don’t want to dump her off on anyone else but do you think she should stay with Arin and Suzy? Or Ross and Holly? Just, someone with a spare bedroom and a woman in the house so she’s not so freaked out? I mean waking up with two strange dudes in a house you don’t remember, I’m a little surprised she just took those pills from me but I guess she was in a lot of pain.”

Barry rubbed his beard moving to the back of his neck in thought. “Yeah, I don’t know man, we should talk to everyone and tell them what’s up. See what they say, I mean we don’t know anything about her, they might not want her in their house plus… Well what if she’s allergic to animals? She wouldn’t even know would she? But we should talk to Suzy or Holly or Katie or yeah basically any woman we know, she needs clothing and y’know she’s gonna need lady things, maybe help changing, just— Stuff we probably shouldn’t be trying to do with her y’know?”  
“Yeah good point.” Dan mimicked Barry in rubbing the back of his own neck thinking about what to do. “Ok, I’m going to head into the office and try to get everyone together and talk to them all, see what we can do.”


	5. And the police got smaller as they grew taller

What they could do for me turned out to be not very much.

They brought me in to the police and had my fingerprints taken, my file then being sent to the FBI to see if I would ping as a missing person but until then there was nothing we could do other than keep an eye on the news. 

Time passed and I just became a feature in the house.

Dan and Barry’s collective group of female friends, each one coming by to visit at some point or another to help around and give me some “Lady time” each came with a bag of castoff clothing and sometimes makeup for me to try. They became a blur of names and faces that I still can’t remember much more than clips and feelings of.  
A woman I felt a little scared of but was all kindness with a sense of fashion I felt a little uncomfortable with but got approving wolf whistles from Dan and Barry. Her stuff was a little big on me but still I took what I could as it made me feel pretty.  
Pink sweetness that I wanted to hold precious in my hands who brought me jeans that would fit once my leg was out of its bindings, I remember she had a bird on a leash and I hope I will never forget the sight of it.  
A female version of Dan that I wished desperately I could walk so I could follow her around and listen to her stories as she was lovely and fun.  
I remember a woman with glasses who gave me a lot of video game shirts that I liked the best because they’re memories. Each shirt I recognized; Zelda, Pokemon, World of Warcraft. Some I didn’t know but it didn’t matter, I might have scared her as I suddenly started crying while humming the Zelda theme song hugging the shirt she pulled out with the triforce on it. 

I sort of figured out then that maybe they were checking that I was legitimate and not someone trying to scam Dan and Barry. I sometimes wish that was the case.

It was hard.

For a long time I couldn’t remember where anything in the house was. I kept calling Dan and Barry all sorts of things. “Daryl? Ben and Jerry? Harry?” or just confusing who was who.

Even once I knew I would still spit out a list of names before hitting the one I wanted. Barry had taken to writing down the names I kept listing, just in case it was my mind pulling out memories I couldn’t quite place yet and not just tossing out random things.  
Especially since he pointed out to me that I tended to call them the same general range of names, and different ones for each of them.

Tim- Will- Sam- were reoccurring mistakes for Dan… Spence- Josh- David- for Barry.  
Men that I knew? That I associated with Dan or Barry? Nothing came to mind when I tried to think about them, working myself into headaches trying at times.

I tried to keep good humour about it but I felt it slip as I started to scale back the amount of medication I was taking, moving off Oxy as fast as I could to just taking extra strength Ibuprofen. On really bad nights Dan had secretly gotten me some “Special Candy” from a “Herbal Store” which I took very sparingly but it did really help keep my mood up when I felt things in my head get especially dark. 

I knew I had a lot to be grateful for and I really was. One of the guys would take me to my weekly appointments even though the drive was a long one, they would switch each time, making a day of it and taking me out someplace after for lunch or dinner. I swore to them both that I would pay them back somehow, once joking to Dan that once I was better I would have no problem giving them both blowjobs in gratitude.  
He had laughed a little but firmly refused the offer.

“As much as I love getting my dick sucked I would never want anything between me and a lady to be done as a favour. You don’t owe us anything. Ever. And don’t ever feel like you do. Especially not something like that.”

I felt ashamed after that and tried to will myself to forget saying it…

Funny how it’s the stuff you want to forget is the stuff that likes to play itself on a loop in the middle of the night when you want to sleep.

Barry had read everything he could about what was wrong with my mind. My retrograde amnesia came with a wonderful dose of anterograde amnesia as well making it hard for me to remember new things as well as the old.  
So he’d gotten me some notebooks; one for the past and one for the present and even one for the future to insist that no matter what I keep hopeful for things I might want to do.

Writing things down helped. 

In the future I wrote down dreams, things that interested me or plans I had, appointments to keep, just anything really.

In the present I made maps, where the clinic was, the layout of the house, drawings of all the people I met and the things I knew about them. 

I found out I’m a pretty good artist too.

In the past I found I could could remember my birthday after seeing Barry reading the book “1984”  
I could remember series of numbers but didn’t know what a lot of them were for. Banking passwords, Phone numbers, Secret codes. I wasn’t sure but sometimes I would look at a phone or a calculator or a bank machine and just know.  
I could remember clips from my life.  
The smell of gas stations on road trips that I knew I took every summer as a kid.  
The way fresh carrots straight out of the garden tasted.  
That I could swim and missed it desperately.

Barry had given me back fragments of control over who I was, and maybe even who I would be, slowly starting to teach me how to edit videos and do animations on my own as well in his free time.

Dan had given me a name. 

“Thea” 

My first unexpected memory came when I hobbled into Dan’s room looking for the toilet still not remembering the layout of the house.  
I saw then (and maybe I was snooping a little) the prints of the Last Unicorn on his wall.

He found me sitting on his bed crying, singing the theme song.

I know it’s not my name, but it’s fitting. Like Amalthea I can’t remember who I was but maybe one day I would get my memories back too.

“Do you think I’ll change when I remember?” I asked Dan after watching the movie, seeing if it would jog any further memories. “The Unicorn changed, and she regrets the life she lost in returning to her true form, regrets the love she had. I won’t be me anymore when I remember will I? I’ll be that person I was… Do you think I’ll regret too?”  
Dan had sat there quietly for a long time unable to give me an answer.

Dan was wonderful too.  
Every night when he came home he would help me do the physiotherapy that was recommended to me and demonstrated to him since going to a therapist wasn’t covered by what free care I could get and I refused to let Dan or Barry pay for it. So he’d insisted on helping my stretch and exercise my leg so that as soon as I could walk I would.

It was painful and not fun but he would be rough and kind and funny and encouraging all rolled into one sweet as spun sugar package that kept me going.

Days blended into weeks into months and the next thing I knew I was back on my feet, as unsteady as a newborn calf and and slow as a 90 year old woman but still able to shuffle from point A to point B without crutches.

It was hard and it made me even more scared.  
What kind of future would I have like this?


	6. And now my vision can render the scene

“Do you think we should like— mention Thea on the show and see if anyone online knows her?” Dan brought up with the group at a Grump meeting after she had been with them for over three months with no information coming in from the police yet. “Like maybe someone does know her and if they see her they’ll be able to say something? Maybe she’s just not from America and was visiting and now no-one knows because she’s…” He waved his hand.

There was a pause of thought from everyone. She wasn’t there at the meeting, although she’d come to the space a few times with Barry, her last visit there ended with her meeting Brian for the first time, having a panic attack, and nearly fainting.   
Brian had felt a strange sense of joking pride and a more serious worrisome shame that looking at him had sent her into an unexplainable bout of terror. So she’d been avoiding the office for a while now but Dan and Barry trusted her at home alone, the place had become just as much her space as theirs even if she was still on the sofa. (But had admitted to finding it more comfortable since it was easier on her leg.)

“On one hand, it would be a good idea.” Offered Vernon. “We do have a large range and if any of our fans have seen her or even know anyone who knows anyone who’s seen her they’ll let us know. On the other hand she doesn’t remember enough about her own life to know if what people are saying about her is accurate or not. It could get people hunting down the wrong person, or someone coming for her that she doesn’t actually know, or bring her a level of internet notoriety that might not go away for a long time that she may not want.”

“Did she ask you to?” Arin asked already seeing Barry shaking his head with a ’no’ Dan admitting that he hadn’t brought it up with her at all just yet. 

“You should talk to her about it first.” Brian also put in. “If no one’s looked for her for this long we don’t know what kind of situation she was in before. I mean I realize that I am a pretty imposing figure but her reaction to me wasn’t really normal. We don’t know anything about her past, what if she was in a situation already where she didn’t want to be found?”

Not much of the conversation was new to the group. When she’d first appeared it was the main office talk that only escalated as time passed with no one looking for her. Could she have been a spy? A criminal who had never left any prints? Someone running away?   
Her phone had turned over nothing, it’s data unretrievable between the impact and water damage. Her yoga clothes had been for show and not practical use since there were no studios who recognized her when Dan had gone around with a photo. Her bike was old and second hand and while it was well put together Vernon could identify that it wasn’t of any particular brand that could be traced. 

She had no scars, no particular markings, no tattoo’s, she was completely unremarkable in any way that would make someone remember her out of a crowd. 

Why was she out there in the rain that night? Why wasn’t anyone looking for her? Who was she?

The flurry of questions had faded as each person got to know her, her sweet attitude and the air of fragility she had winning people over and making them not question so much who she had been but enjoy who she currently was now.

“I guess… I’m just worrying y’know like she can’t stay like this, no ID, no social security, not that we’re going to throw her out or anything—”  
“Hell no!” Barry threw in as well  
“-But right now she doesn’t have any options, she can’t get a job, can’t get an apartment, can’t go anywhere else, at least if we can find out who she was she’ll have more options. She’ll have a choice in if she stays or goes or whatever instead of just being sort of, stuck on our couch forever.”

“Did she say something?” Barry cut in before anyone else could talk, focusing on Dan.  
Dan looked pensive. “I can kinda tell she’s getting more depressed lately. Like walking and getting out is helping in some ways but making it worse in others. I just— I don’t know maybe I’m overthinking it but she’s just quiet sometimes and I worry.” Dan would later share with Barry that he’d heard her crying in the bathroom a few times in increasing frequency but he didn’t want to group share that much.  
“We’ll talk with her.”

“And whatever she decides we’re totally cool with helping. We know that guy from the news so we can get it on official channels and get it on the internet and if she’s out there, if anything is out there we’ll fucking find it man.” Arin added in positively. 

It helped Dan feel better, he only hoped Thea would feel the same.


	7. A blurry image of wreckage and roadside debris

Barry too was a worrier.

Not as much as Dan but a worrier none the less.

And he was worried.

After talking with her about using their internet notoriety to get their fans on her case to find out who she was she agreed, almost instantly, which made him worry about how much her lack of memory was bothering her.

Or how much she no longer wanted to be there in the house with them.

He was worried that another month passed after they made the announcement, making a video featuring her, the accident, the information on the case, that they got no tangible results.

How her hopes had gotten up with how quickly the internet buzzed about her.  
How her spirit had dropped as each day passed with still nothing.

Barry had stopped sharing the information they’d gotten about Thea with her, asking Vernon and Brent to filter any incoming information through him and Dan before checking it with her.

Too many of the e-mails were obvious scams, even more were rude accusing her of trying to fleece the Grumps.  
She sat red-faced through a porn and wouldn’t talk to any of them for a few hours afterward before she came out of the bathroom, face no longer flushed but her eyes red and disappointed as she was able to point out that no, that wasn’t her in that video, that actress had a little tattoo on her ankle even though the likeness was uncanny.

With the fire of the collective internet under their ass the police had been able to locate the person who had hit her but the case came grinding to a standstill as without ID, Insurance, or any legal presence in the eyes of the government the court proceedings couldn’t move forward as smoothly as they would had she just knew who she was.

Barry hadn’t noticed it before but it was becoming obvious now that Thea was becoming more withdrawn, pulling away from the routines she’d gotten into at the house and at work, sleeping more.

He felt bad, letting Dan step in more than he could to bully her out of her head.

He felt scared seeing her one morning suspiciously in the medicine cabinet, cornering her there asking why she had her leftover Oxy out, her eyes avoiding his while she mumbled something about her leg hurting.

Terrified she might have a lethal dose he’d secretly flushed what remained of the little white pills.

Dan knew.

“Have you looked at her future book lately?” He asked looking just as sad and scared when Barry brought it up. He felt invasive flipping though her note but the blank pages, the scribbled out dreams, the single page 

/I’m sorry. I’m tired./

Barry was worried.


	8. The curtains decayed, the daylight poured in

I knew he was lying.

The second Dan invited me out for lunch, I knew he was lying.

I had taken to helping around as much as I could now that I was mobile. My leg wasn’t 100% but I wasn’t sure it ever would be, the pain was manageable, I was flexible enough that I could get up and down stairs once more, but I still felt useless.  
Lethargic.  
Tired.  
Sad.

I cleaned, I cooked, the house was spotless and while the guys thanked me every time I still felt like it wasn’t enough.  
I started working at the grump space. Brent had worked out how to essentially pay me under the table and I would do anything they needed, mostly cleaning, going through mail, making lists of food people wanted in the office, helping do art or editing. Anything that was needed I was there to do it.

I learned where everything was and it became the office joke to “Ask Thea” if anything went missing because I had arranged the office in my cleaning to know where everything was always putting it back in the exact same place if I ran into something “out of order”  
Organization helped.  
Working helped.  
Routine helped.

But not enough.

Dan knew I was lying every day when I said I was fine, and I knew he was lying when he said he forgot an appointment at his therapist and if I would care to come in with him just to meet his doctor.

I could understand he was worried about me.  
I was worried about me too.

Still I couldn’t help sitting in Barry’s room after we got home with a prescription for Vanatrip and a name for the cloud that had been chasing me. As much as the younger man was willing to coddle me in my tantrum he had been in on the plan too, and would hear no complaints about how therapy was expensive, medication was expensive…  
“There is no price tag you can put on your mental health that Dan and I wouldn’t be willing to pay Thea, you know that.”

I knew.

I know.

But when you had no savings, no ability to get a job, no way to help yourself…

No wonder I was depressed.


	9. Until the violets arrived for me,

Dan had felt like shit after Thea had stormed off.

During the session with his therapist she had held his hand and talked softly, agreeing that she had been feeling sad, very sad, sad enough that she’d been thinking about hurting herself.

She’d cried, he’d cried, she’d gotten a prescription to help her…

But she pulled away on the ride home, and his jokes and smiles were like talking to a chunk of ice. 

Barry came out of his room first, giving Dan a tight look mouthing quietly “She’s pissed.”

But what could Dan do? He could recognize that spiral downward and didn’t want to see how that might have ended. 

“You should have just talked to her first instead of dragging her to your doctor dude.” Barry said. “I think she’s mostly mad at the lie. She was all ‘And we didn’t even get lunch! Now I’m pissed off and hungry.’”

Barry was joking but when Thea cooled down enough to talk with him she did seem mostly upset that Dan had lied to her. Her entire life was fragmented together and she had no basis of knowing what was true or not anymore. She really depended on Dan and Barry especially to help her navigate the world because her mind had so many gaps in it.

Dan had broken that trust.

Under his insistence Barry slept in Dan’s bed while Dan took over the couch, Thea had fallen asleep in Barry’s room and she’d had a long day, neither of them wanted to disturb her and it wasn’t Barry’s fault she was mad so Dan took the punishment of a sore back.

He woke up when she came out, unlike Barry and Dan she kept to her schedule like clockwork. A lackadaisical attitude towards time would render her useless unable to remember what tasks she needed to do in a day if she didn’t do them in a precise order.

“Morning.” He offered following her into the kitchen not sure if she would talk to him or not but not that surprised when she offered him a cheery “Good morning” back.

“You’re not mad at me anymore?”  
“No… Why?”

Dan sucked in a breath and had a small internal debate. She’d forgotten, which wasn’t unusual, but should he remind her or just let that memory fade.

“I lied to you yesterday and took you to my therapist and you were upset after.”

Her brows knit as she recalled with an “Oh RIGHT!” and proceeded to slug him in the arm.

“OW JESUS!” It hadn’t actually hurt, she was small and hadn’t tried that hard but it was the thought that counted.  
“Don’t ever pull that shit on me again.” She warned with a wag of her finger.  
“Yes ma’am.” He meekly bowed to her will grinning when she opened her arms, lifting her feet off the ground and shaking her around with a hug until she squeaked demanding to be let down. 

“Thea…” She had started to get breakfast ready, taking the new medication and adding it to the calendar on the fridge to remind herself to continue the new routine. Dan pulled her out of her movements that he’d been watching, a worry still nagging in his mind. “You know we love you right?”

“You guys don’t even know me.”

“Thea…”  
“I mean I don’t even know me, you don’t—“

“Thea, I know that you’re allergic to fish even though you swim like one and onions make you gassier than Arin. That you get freckles when you’re in the sun and you burn faster than anyone else that I know. Sad movies and sad song make you cry although you’ll pretend you’re not sad at all and you’ve got an encyclopedia of weird knowledge in that head of yours whenever some of it get’s jarred loose.”

“Well that’s not…”

“I’m not done yet. I know that you’ll eat them but you don’t like tomatoes, or pizza, or eggplant, you like lemon and orange flavoured things best and you only eat Barry’s almonds because it pisses him off. It doesn’t actually piss him off when you do it but you both like how he pretends to get mad. That some ice cream reminds you of the desert for some reason. That you love the smell of gas stations and you hate cloudy rainy days and that your feet are always cold. I know that you’re organized, hard working, sweet, honest and— crying, please stop crying, I’ll stop, I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s not y-you I just—“ Dan pulled her into his arms while she cried clinging to him. 

“We know you Thea, we don’t care who you were before, if you were a doctor or homeless or a porn star, we know /you/ the rest of that shit is just window dressing.”

He held onto her until she stopped crying, pressing his lips to the top of her head and rocking her side to side until he got silly and started dancing with her, moving fully from tears to smiles, holding onto her until Barry came into the kitchen and she finally pulled away.

Leaving to go to his bedroom and get dressed the smile dropped off of Dan’s face as his mind finally caught up to what his heart had been feeling for a while.

/Shit./


	10. The bouquet burst and blossoms filled the room

“So how are things with you guys and Thea?”

Vernon had wheeled himself closer to Barry’s desk, although Thea was in the office he’d waited until she had gone out with Brent to get the mail before coming over to talk. 

“Fine, she’s been doing really good lately. Why?”  
“Nether of you guys are dating her right?”  
“God no she’s like a little sister, well I guess big sister to me if she’s right about her birthday, little sister to Dan… Why??” Now Barry was starting to feel suspicious, and a flair of defensive that he couldn’t quite put a name to.

“No big reason, I just wanted to ask her if she wanted to go biking this weekend but I didn’t want to step on any toes. I wasn’t quite sure about the dynamic you guys had going on.”  
“No dynamic, we’re all just friends. Honestly, I’m not even sure she’s into men.” 

Barry kept a calm front but he wasn’t sure why inside he was starting to feel a bit steamed up from the thought of Vernon making a pass at her. What he said wasn’t entirely a lie however. Thea hadn’t really shown anyone romantic inclinations towards anyone, men or women, with the exception of Holly but that was less sexual and more ‘She wanted to wrap Holly up in the softest of blankets and cuddle her in a nest of bird plushies forever’ and had repeatedly threatened to steal her away from Ross.

But really who didn’t feel that way about Holly?

“Ohh… yeah. Well I mean I can still ask, she had that old racing bike with her back when she got hit and I figured I could lend her one of mine, mostly I just want someone to ride with and if she’s into that it’d be fun to hang out.”  
“Yeah you can ask, don’t know how into it she’ll be after the accident but maybe she wants to get back into riding… I dunno.”

Vernon wheeled himself back to his own desk going back to work leaving Barry a little contemplative. Why had he suddenly gotten all discouraging toward Vernon hanging out with Thea? She hung out with other people all the time, she’d joined Ross and Holly’s WoW guild and went over to play with them, she followed around helping Kati and Suzy just hanging out or doing odd jobs. The last month she’d been much more open to making friends and getting out of the house and Barry knew she liked biking, having used her first paycheque to buy a bike since she couldn’t drive. (The rest of the paycheque she’d gotten she’d insisted on giving to Barry and Dan, they’d tried to refuse but she just hid the cash around the house and slipped it into their folded jean pockets. The two men finally agreeing to take the money but make a bank account for her to put it in since she couldn’t open her own account with no ID.)

“Baaarrryyy” He got a smack in the face from a pile of letters, Thea had apparently been saying his name for a while, he’d completely spaced out at his desk. “You okay care-bear?”  
She’d put her hands on his shoulders, and he found himself relaxing into her touch as she massaged. 

“Yeah just thinking.”  
“Mmn.” She leaned in hugging him from behind suddenly making him hyperaware of her breasts against his back. She’d always been affectionate, now that her depressive episode was getting under control she had become even moreso with everyone. This was nothing new and yet suddenly he felt very warm. “Well don’t work too hard Spenc- I mean Barry.”

He ruffled her hair before she slipped away feeling energized from the visit but also something else bubbling in his gut.

A realization that he felt just a splash of guilt over.


	11. grace had finally found its way to me.

It was me, they were pretty sure it was me.   
It might not have been… But I felt a tickle that it could be.

Her hair was red, purple and blue, shaved along the sides. She had a septum ring in her nose. Surrounded by other cosplayers dressed in a glothic-lolita kimono style outfit she looked so much younger and different but at the same time…

“Well we can confirm one thing about your past.” Dan voiced hugging me from behind.  
“What?”  
“You were a ginormous neeerrrrrrrrddddddd~”  
He laughed completely deserving of the little elbow to his gut.

“This explains why I get headaches all the time though… I need glasses.” I put in as the person in the photo had a pair of thick framed glasses on her face. It made sense, I’d assumed my blurry vision and head pain was more from the brain damage and amnesia and I didn’t want to complain about it, just another bill to add to the growing pile that everyone was footing for me. 

“What convention is this from?” Barry was leaning in too, I could feel his arm by my elbow and I reached out and took his hand feeling a reassuring squeeze.   
“Big Apple Con in New York.” Vernon read. He’d pulled up a thread on reddit, you’d gotten your own subreddit in the grump Subreddit (sub-sub-reddit? I didn’t know how it worked) where people had joined the mystery hunt for you and finally there were a few photo’s that were getting legitimate traction enough that I was getting pulled in to confirm, see if they brought anything up. 

“NEW YOAK? I /knew/ you had an accent!” Dan squeezed me harder rubbing his stubbly cheek against mine until I wriggled away from him complaining about his gross neckbeard. But I took his hand too, needing as many people as possible to anchor me here.

“When is this picture from?” I finally asked.  
“2001”  
If I was right about my age I would have been around 17 in this picture.  
“No name?”  
“No, the guy who posted it to the reddit says his friend took this picture but doesn’t remember taking the picture or anything about you just that he must have liked your costume or something at the time, it was a long time ago so…” Vernon trailed off.

“But it’s something.” Barry put in squeezing my hand again pulling me back. “What about you? Can you remember anything about it?”

“Vern, can I?” I swapped places taking over Vernon’s desk staring at the picture, then closing my eyes and covering my ears trying to cut out as much of the now as I could to try and remember.

Memories are tricky things. Usually when someone thinks back their life is connected to years via events and age. You can remember that when you’re 15 it’s a certain year which means you’re in a certain grade which narrows down what series of events would have taken place then, one event leading into another.

When all you have is small fragments of half remembered pieces it’s like trying to know what a puzzle picture is when half the pieces are missing and the other half are bent out of shape.

I tried to focus on the costume, imagine how it would have felt, how the fabric would have looked, the press of people, the noise of the convention.

“Nothing… I’m getting nothing.” Everyone was quiet waiting for me to talk and I could hear their disappointment. “But… The nose ring and earrings are fake. I don’t—” I touch the inside of my nose because I don’t feel any scarring there and I just feel like this is right. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anything pierced.”

Barry’s hand is on my shoulder and Dan’s in my hair, I stand up “It’s okay guys,” and pull them both in for a hug, even waving at Vernon to get in on the action.

“DO I SEE A GROUP HUG?!” I feel the impact of Ross hitting the side of our people ball, Dan laughing with a “Goddamn it Ross!” then feel another hit as Arin comes in. 

“OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I CAN’T BREATH!” I complain from the centre unable to see but pretty certain that everyone in the office had made their way over into the pile by this point. “Help me! Help!!”

I was disappointed but having everyone’s support really did help. And while it wasn’t much more than a breadcrumb it was more than I had before.   
A time, a place, a person.

A step forward.


	12. And taught me to bloom

“Hey Suuuuzyyy.” Dan sang to his friend cornering her in her kitchen.  
“Hey Daaaannyyyy” She sang right back. “What’s up?”  
“You and Thea are friends right?”  
“Of course! Why?”  
“Well…Um.” Dan started tugging at his hair feeling like he was in high school all over again. “Can you um… Askherifshelikesme?”  
No, not even high school. 

Jr High.

Suzy gave him an odd look. “Like… /Likes/ you, likes you?” She clarified making an ‘awww’ sound when Dan just bobs his head, his face going a little pink whining ‘don’t make fun of meeee…”

“Why don’t you just talk to her? I mean, neither of you are the type to end a friendship just because the possibility of romance isn’t on the table. Heck Vernon got shot down by her and they still hang out lots.”  
“Yeeaaa but I feel like it might be different because well… I know she feels kind of indebted to me so I don’t want that to influence her feelings. And I don’t want to put like any kind of pressure on her or make her feel uncomfortable so I kinda would like to know if she’s even remotely interested first and theeen maybe ask.”  
“Aww Danny. Normally I would make fun of you but that’s actually a really sweet reason, I’ll ask.”  
“Thank you Scuuz”   
“Yeah yeah yeh big nerd.”

Dan did worry, he’d been worrying for a while.   
Every time they would be laying together on the sofa watching a movie, when they would dance together in the kitchen, when they’d go out on their ‘friend dates’ almost every other weekend it was becoming an increasing struggle not to say something or do something as he felt himself falling deeper in love with her.

But he worried.  
What if she didn’t feel the same and this made her feel uncomfortable around him? What if she felt obligated to give it a try because of everything he’d done for her? What if she had zero interest but felt like she didn’t have a choice?  
He didn’t want anything to change, he wanted her to feel safe and wanted and free to be herself. So he was worried to bring about such a big change in the dynamic of their friendship.

It took a few days before Suzy was able to have a girls night out with Thea and pull her into a boys talk.

“Hey Dan can I talk to you for a sec?” Suzy asked the next time Dan was over doing some Starbomb with with Arin.  
“Yeah, what’s up?”  
Not sure if Dan wanted this public Suzy lead him into the kitchen first.

“So I talked to Thea.” She started, Dan immediately perking up but also looking worried since her tone was very serious. “She does like you, like in an interested in being more than friends kinda way but—“  
“Oh no not a but.”  
“She also kinda likes Barry, and doesn’t want to make things different or awkward between anyone… Aand—“  
“And?”  
“And I think Barry might like her too?” Suzy made a face and apologized while Dan leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms biting the inside of his mouth.

He’d kinda guessed that Barry might have been following suit with Dan and starting to feel the same way about Thea too. Couldn’t blame him, she was cute and sweet and a lot of it was probably a proximity thing too, both of them had been single a long time and she was an available woman that was always around and very affectionate.

He was falling hard for her but couldn't hurt Barry.

“Well. Shit.”


	13. In the car crash of the century

Barry could feel a shift in the air in the house, it was slow but he wasn’t stupid so he'd noticed even if he tried not to.

Dan had started to avoid Thea. 

Not obviously but just enough that she had started to notice a change in his attitude toward her. Which caused her to start pulling back not just from him but from everyone a little. Not as bad as it had been when she’d started her depressive cycle a few months previous but enough that Barry felt she was keeping him at a distance, spending more time with Holly and Kati, spending more time alone.

It felt like there was a little less laughter in the house and Barry didn't like it.

It was something Dan had been considering even before Thea moved in but it got put on hold until now, once more he was looking into finding his own place. When he first came to LA, moving in with Barry had been the best option for him but it was always on the table that eventually he would get a place of his own especially if things with the Game Grumps worked out. After this many years and how much they had expanded with NSP and Starbomb as well doing financially well enough that Brian even took the leap to become a full time member and could still support his family, Dan had taken to considering investing in his own house.

Barry had originally been all for it before, but now it felt a bit like he was running away from his problems.  
And Barry could tell what the problem was.

“You like Thea don’t you?” Barry finally gathered up the courage to ask Dan while Thea was out.  
“Of course I do, she’s awesome.” Dan said cheerily but the fraction of a pause before he spoke was enough.  
“You know what I mean Dan.”

The older man put his hands up making a tight lipped face and flailed a bit. “Doooosen’t matter if I do I’m not gonna put that kinda stress on her. Not when she’s been doing so well… Not when I know you’ve got a thing for her too.”

“Oh…”  
“Yeah ‘Oh.’”

Barry thought he’d been a bit more subtle in his feelings, trying not to encourage them since he also didn’t want Thea to feel pressured into anything she didn’t want and she was still too reliant on them for him to feel comfortable in trying to push anything more than friendship. Having a feeling that Dan was also in the same boat as him further cemented his desire not to start anything lest hurt feelings compromise the peace in the house.

“Is that why you're trying to move out now?”

“No! God no, well I mean it’s kinda poking at me to start looking a bit more seriously but mostly no. I was gonna move out a while ago, I mean remember I was aiming for this summer but then Thea came and everything kinda went to hell and we got busy. But, she’s been on the sofa for a long ass time and I figure I can move out, she can take over my room and pay you rent on the place and then…” Barry looked at him expectantly. “And then if I asked her out hopefully she’d feel more comfortable saying no because it’s not like she would owe me anything or that I would be here lurking around making her uncomfortable.”

Barry nodded, it was just like Dan to consider her feelings first before trying anything.  
“And what if I asked her out first?” He challenged Dan a little, not wanting to start anything but just wondering.

“Then... Well, I’d be a little sad but them’s the breaks, y'snooze y'lose. Really I just want to see her happy and I know you’re a great guy who could do that for her so as long as she wanted it I’d be happy too. Dude, I’m not going to ruin our friendship over this. Bro’s before um lovely, kind, and wonderful women right?!”  
“Yeah!” Barry fist bumped Dan awkwardly. “But, Dan so don’t sell yourself short you’re a great guy, Thea would be lucky to have you too.”  
“So… What do you wanna do here?”

Barry thought about it for a bit, Dan was right she didn’t need the stress of a relationship right now. 

“Well, a part of me says you asking her first would be fair I mean if it weren't for you she wouldn't be here but I mean really none of this is up to either of us so... I guess, we should wait and let her decide." Barry talked out his feelings on the matter thinking on it seriously "I mean we could choose to be honest, talk to her directly and let her know that we’re both open to the idea of a relationship but are not going to pressure her in the slightest and she can figure out her own stuff knowing exactly where we stand… Or we can just keep being awkward teenagers around her and hope she notices and says something first.”  
“Option one sounds WAY too mature.”  
“I know right? Ugh I feel old.”  
"So which one should we do? Are you gonna talk to her?"  
"You're the oldest, you talk to her."  
"No you."  
"You!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end they both chicken shit out and keep awkwardly pining.


	14. But in the back of the ambulance, I'd never felt so content.

Following the sound of voices I came into a kitchen, a man and woman sitting at the table having breakfast both looked up when they saw me hovering at the entrance. 

“Ehm Good morning! Did you sleep well?” The man asked.  
“Are you hungry? What would you like for breakfast dear?” The woman stood up and I tried not to but I stepped back feeling shy, scared, and a bit ashamed because I couldn’t remember who they were or where I was.

The woman looked at me, confusion breaking through the polite smile she held on her face. “Are you okay? Thea? What’s wrong?”

“I…” I was having a panic attack is mostly what it was, but as breathing became an issue and uncontrollable fear set in it became hard to exactly explain that. I could feel the edges of my vision swimming, the whole world shrinking into nothing more than terror and confusion an-

/“Breath.”/

A familiar voice cut through and I reached out to it, finding familiar shoulders under my hands, familiar eyes looking into my own, Dan held onto my face making me look at him.

“Just look at me and breath, thatta girl, in and out, nice and easy. You’re good. Do you know who I am?”  
“Dan.”  
“Do you know where you are?”  
“N-no.” A frightened hitch in my voice that I hated, I hated being this scared, I hated feeling this lost, my eyes burned and I bit my lip holding my breath trying not to let myself cry.  
“Hey, hey it’s okay, you’re okay, keep breathing okay? We’re at my parents house. Do you remember talking about coming here for the holidays?”  
“...Yes?”

I could remember, Dan asking if I wanted to come home with him for Hanukkah. I remembered feeling bad because I wasn’t able to fly without any identification. We talked about driving but then…  
“-I don’t… Did we drive here? What day is it? What— What month is it?”

I could hear the man behind Dan ask the woman if I was okay and what was going on. My eyes wandered to look at them trying to remember meeting them, trying to place who they were, while she quietly said something, waving a hand at her head.

God I hoped she didn’t just call me crazy.

I sure felt like it though.

“Hey there lovely, keep looking at me.” Dan pulled my attention back guiding me back down the hall, into the room I might have woke up in but between the confusion of waking up in a strange place and the fear ripping away at everything I couldn't even remember walking down this hall the first time, everything but the panic fading away.

“Here, got your notebooks, put on your glasses. Now, walk me through where you are.” Sitting on the bed with me I flipped to the bookmarked page in one of my notebooks, I didn’t them it as much anymore but having the physical motion of opening a book often opened up the pages in my mind.

“I remember October, I remember you guys cleared out that office room and I moved in there, I remember I keep sleeping on the sofa anyway, I remember Halloween and your costume.”  
“I would not complain if you didn’t remember that but okay.”  
I smacked him and continued. “I remember November, you asked me if I wanted to come to your parents for the holidays and to see if I could remember New York, that I couldn’t fly so we were planning a road trip…” I turned a page in my notebook which was for December but the page in my head was blank. I could see the writing there, sketches of Dan driving, each hotel room we stayed in, I saw the pink highlighted note at the top of each entry.   
/Forgot yesterday/  
/Forgot yesterday/  
/Forgot yesterday AGAIN :( /

I was about a week behind, I couldn’t remember leaving or the entirety of the trip.

“Yeah, I think… The trip has been a bit stressful on you, you’ve really been out of it.” Dan explained I could hear the unspoken ‘maybe this was a bad idea’   
“How… Long have we been here for?”  
“We just got in last night, Avi and Deb know what’s up with your memory so don’t worry about them, but I’m just— Fuck, I’m sorry I fucked up. You should have stayed home with Barry.”  
“No! No I— I remember I wanted to come because I wanted to see New York again, see if I could remember anyone, anything.”

It was one of the big discussion points of me coming all this way, why Dan was willing to take the time to drive here instead of fly like he usually would. It was a chance for me to maybe find out who I was. I wanted this.

I was not going to chicken out.

“I’m okay. I’m gonna be okay. Lets go and meet your parents… Again.”


	15. A high-speed collision gave a new sense of sight to me,

Dan had told his parents about Thea, they knew about her from the first day he’d met her, a phone-call home to talk to his mom about the crazy shit he just saw.

She was the one who recommended getting Thea the potted plant.

He told his parents about the first time he saw her in the hospital, so small and hurt, how he sat with her and sang to her, just whatever was in his head. How she’d somewhat woken up then and watched him before falling back asleep.  
How she called him an angel the third time too high on morphine to really be lucid.  
How she was on the street the fourth time.

They knew about her memory problems but it was different hearing about them and seeing them firsthand. Seeing the terror on someone’s face when they woke up somewhere not knowing where they were, what day it was, who anyone around them was. 

It was actually Dan’s grandmother that understood best, she’d seen friends slip away like that before, the confusion in their eyes, the fear.

“Does she need regular care? Are you guys okay with dealing with that?” It was a usual press of question that he got from new people meeting her for the first time and he was used to answering them. 

Although it did still bother him slightly every time he was asked.

“She’s fine, it’s just the stress of the trip and having too many things change on her too fast. She can care for herself, hell she probably does more for Barry and I than we do for her now-a-days. I have become completely useless at laundry once more thanks to her, I can only imagine Barry is crying into a million pizza boxes by now since she does almost all the cooking.” Dan joked although it was pretty close to the truth, part of her routines were cooking and cleaning which she was insistent on doing, at first in a sense of ‘payment’ for her stay but now simply because it was the set order of her daily life. “Stuff just doesn’t always transfer over from short-term to long-term memory and the more new information being thrown at her the less she retains so this whole week has been a literal blur for her, she’ll probably be fuzzy while she’s here but I don’t think it’ll be as bad as this morning.”

He said that but he worried about her being alone so with absolutely pure intentions, he asked her if she wanted to sleep in his room.

“I mean, I can sleep on the floor or on top of the sheets or whatever but just, when we were in the hotels coming over you were confused when you woke up but I was there and you wouldn’t freak out or anything. I figured this morning because you woke up alone in the guest room you just got overloaded with absolutely nothing around that was familiar.” The half beat of her thinking about it was enough to have him spiralling off. “You can say no I mean you can totally say no and I’ll just set an alarm to come wake you up instead so you don’t wake up or I mean if you think you can handle it and remember everything I—“  
“Dan.”  
“Yeah”  
“Thanks.”

She joined him in his room that night, him in the same bed as her, under the covers, her snuggled up next to him. “If you were planning on molesting me you would have done it months ago so I’m not exactly worried.” She’d said falling asleep without a care in the world.

Dan was glad she was comfortable with him, that she trusted him.

It took him a long time to fall asleep though.


	16. I was never afraid, of the darkness again

I woke up with a bit of a start the first day sleeping next to Dan. I wasn’t used to sleeping with someone else there. 

At first my brain provided me with an older memory, waking up next to Dan after we had fallen asleep watching movies, and I assumed that happened again. Sitting up however I didn’t recognize the room as Dan’s familiar one and I froze carefully putting away my panic (Dan’s here, I’m safe, I’m just missing a little time.) And I closed my eyes trying to remember.

“Thea?” Dan sat up seeing me awake and spaced out, worry in his voice.  
I shushed him, waving my hand, the answer to everything right there…  
“Parents… We’re at your parents… Avi and… D— D… Snack cakes, Debbie!”  
He leaned on me, “Good, anything else?”  
“We are going to the convention centre today?” That felt about right and you hoped it hadn’t happened yet.

It got me a kiss on the side of my head and a squeeze around the shoulders. “You’re doing really well today I’m proud of you. C’mon you ready to get up?”

“Yeah… Woah! UM!” As he stood up I immediately looked down shielding my eyes. “I /think/ you might need a moment so should I just…?” I point to the door offering to leave while he starts laughing hysterically at his morning wood. 

“WHAT!? I’m a guy, sleeping next to a hot girl, IT HAPPENS!” He giggled and coughs “I’lljustshowmyselfout.”   
“Think of me fondly~” I joke as he heads out the door.  
“I do every time~”

I laugh and sigh once he’s gone from the room moving to quickly get dressed my mind chugging along a familiar mental path of debate, one that I’d been playing with for quite a few months now.   
Sleeping next to Dan was comfortable, waking up with him was really nice, I wished I could do it more often but…

But but but.

Did he feel the same way? Would he think I was just trying to ‘pay off my debt’? All his female friends were SO HOT and accomplished and cool and I was…

Literally a nobody.

Familiar dark thoughts clouded but I stopped and centred myself, breathing and letting go of those feelings.

Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, it was okay to just love him in your own way. If he felt the same, yay! If he didn’t, that’s fine. Love is a gift not an obligation.

I repeated that to myself and beat back the pull of wallowing in self hate. It was hard but Dan wandering back in and smacking my ass hard with a “Get that cute butt outta here so I can get changed” knocked me out of my head with an indignant squeal and a slap to his upper arm.

It would have been his face but the fucker’s tall.

“I’M TELLING!” I cried indignantly heading out the door. “Debbie your son is a BAD MAN!”  
“IT’S ALL LIES DEB! LIES!” He yelled down behind me.


	17. My burns were third degree

Dan followed and Thea lead.

Even though it was easy for him to take the lead, his longer legs making it hard for him to stay at the back of a group, his memory making him a better guide than her, it was something that he’d been doing with her around town to make her remember where she was, where she was going, not letting her autopilot her way around.

So even if on occasion it got the both of them ass-endedly lost she lead and he followed.

But she remembered.

Standing in front of the convention centre she started walking.  
“There were cosplayers here… This! This is where the picture was taken.”  
She stared at the window across the street for a long time before pointing up. “Someone had a blow-up doll hanging from a window there.”  
She walked down a little embankment and through a parking lot to a hotel.  
“This… I think this is where I stayed.”

Dan went inside and ‘knowing it was a silly question’ asked if they had guest information from over 10 years ago.

Of course they didn’t.

Still fragments were coming back. A story, stitched together with frayed edges but a story none the less there.

“I met… People here, a girl and two(?) guys.” She stood outside, eyes closed, hands over her ears, remembering, thinking so hard she wobbled and Dan lead her to a bench to sit. 

“One of the guys, his name was Tim, he looked like you. Same-“ Her hands waved around her own head indicating Dan’s massive fluff.  
“That’s why you keep calling me Tim…” Dan nodded, so she wasn’t just saying random names but they were connected to memories.  
“I remember… I remember the girl brought this bread with her that was really good. I remember there was this guy with glitter in his hair who touched me like…” Opening her eyes she touched Dan’s shoulder, running her palm down to his elbow and holding him there.   
Even though he liked Thea the action made him automatically shudder, no wonder it stood out to her, that would have been creepy as hell.  
“I remember… Some guy getting fucked with a piece of corn?”  
“WHAT?”

Dan started laughing while her eyes opened wide and she held her head trying to sort that mental visual out. “I’m… That’s gotta be something I just watched on TV or something…”  
“I dunno you looked pretty hardcore in that photo. Maybe you got some kinks girl. I ain’t judging, whatever you’re into, corn up the ass isn’t my thing but y’know… Anything else?”  
“Just senses, fragments… A book cover, crowds of people, that the sun was hot…” Slowly she shakes her head with a sigh. “Nothing.”

Arm over her shoulders Dan pulls Thea close, squeezing her tight. “Hey, you did really well, that was a lot, you could remember some of the places you went and things you saw and we’ve got a name and a new picture, a timeframe. You know you had friends back then and maybe they’ll see that picture and remember it. It’s something Thea.”

He could feel her relax against him, leaning into his hug.  
“Yeah. It’s something.”


	18. But I'd been set free

They had been gone a long time, a little under three weeks considering they had to drive there and back. Probably one of the longest vacations Dan had taken since he’d joined the Game Grumps.   
Not that he wasn’t working while he was away; calling, texting, skyping, still making sure he was in on plans, sending in lyrics, up to date on everything happening. And he was ready to work himself into the ground to catch up now that he was home.

Not that it was worth much since once he got back it was time for everyone else to take their Christmas and New Year vacation…

So Barry was getting a long break alongside everyone else. But it gave him time to get used to being alone, and to meet new people.

Thea had stories when she came back, and he was glad to hear them. Often she was the one who would quietly listen, asking genuinely interested questions about people’s stories, having no problem listening to the same tale again and again (often because she didn’t remember hearing them the first time around)   
Not often that she had any to tell herself.

But it was her that told him everything.  
Meeting Dan’s parent’s, meeting his sister and nephews, remembering fragments of her own past.  
She could remember museums Dan took her to, parks she went to, and food she ate. She came back with the feeling that she was indeed not Jewish because none of the traditions of Dan’s family felt even remotely familiar to her, but when she walked through a Christmas tree lot she could remember waiting for Santa as a child, the smell of pine and laying on the ground picking needles and tinsel out of a carpet.  
She still looked to Dan for names, details, exact dates but she could remember.

“Maybe next year you should do Christmas with Arin and Suzy, you might remember more.” He’d suggested and her smile had gotten even brighter in a more hopeful way.

Planning for next year, a future with all of them in it.

Barry had mixed feelings now that they were back.  
It had become brutally apparent that Thea felt for Dan the same way that he felt for her, at first Barry wasn’t certain if they were trying to hide an already developed relationship from him for the sake of his feelings but it was little things, how Dan would get flustered and mess with his hair, how she would avoid looking at Dan and tug on her earlobe trying not to be embarrassed, how their jokes would boldly slam face first into awkward silences.   
These all told Barry that they were both idiots.

His feelings were mixed because he did still like Thea, but while they’d been gone he’d gone on a few dates of his own. Something he had to admit to Dan when he asked about Barry’s plans for New Years. 

“I’m going out.” Barry had informed him scratching at his beard looking a little shy about it.  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah um a sort of, lady friend invited me to a party thing for New Years so…”  
“Ooohhh???” Dan leaned in even more interested. “Go On~”  
“Not much to go on about, we met, had coffee, it’s been kinda nice, she invited me to a New Years party so… Yeah.”  
“Hey good for you buddy!”  
“Yeah well…” He shrugged and gave a shy little smile deciding to turn the tables. “So how about you and Thea, you two have anything… Going on?” He emphasized the last part carefully, letting it be read as ‘for new years’ or ‘relationship wise’ setting Dan into a little backspin. 

“Uh well… Y’know nothing I guess, just maybe movies and take out or something. Holly recommended this vegetarian Chinese fusion food place that Thea wanted to try because it’s apparently really good so y’know.” He was deflecting a little and Barry was now the one who could make inquisitive noises at him.  
“Oh is that all? You sure~?”  
“Shut up.”


	19. Happiness returned to me

Everyone else had mostly made plans and after such a big trip and my routine being still off kilter with the other Grumps on winter holiday, I didn’t feel confident in going out to a party. 

“Last thing I want is someone to pressure me into drinking, or for me to midway through the party forget why I’m there, or just have to explain over and over to people that thanks to my anterograde amnesia no I’m not trying to be rude when I go “Do I know you?” like three minutes after they introduce themselves. Parties are not something I would like to try just yet.” I simply explained anytime someone brought it up. Not that many people did, Holly, Kati, Kevin and Vernon all asked if I planned to go out, since they were planning either little things or had other events to go to. Barry was going to a party (with a giiiirrrll to boot, I was just like a quarter shade of sad because y’know he’ll always be my cuddly-care-bear, but good on him for getting out there and finding a lady-friend) Arin and Suzy were visiting family along with Brent and Brian.

I’d tried to insist that Dan could go out, that he didn’t have to stay in with me. I’d leave notes to myself to remember that everyone was out, keep the TV on and hopefully I’d be fine. I’d be at home and I hadn’t had any problems in the house alone in ages. 

“I am an old man who is old and doesn’t drink. New Years parties are boring as hell when you’re the sober one with a bunch of people half your age.” He’d grumbled making his old man voice trailing into a “Back in my day…. ZZzzzzzz”  
“if you’re old and I’m probably 5 years younger what does that make me?”  
“Perfectly aged… Mature, elegant, still young.”  
“Whatever old man.”  
“Oww right to the heart. That cuts deep Thea, right here.” He taps his chest looking sad but he can’t keep his face straight for long before he’s giggling at his own humour. 

So we ordered some takeout, he got sushi and I got kung pao from two different places because he can’t do spicy and I can’t do fish and lined up the Godfather series because I didn’t know if I’d seen them or not and settled in for a night of just being boring old farts.  
With the exception of him wearing those stupid New Year glasses with the date on them.

And refusing to take them off.

“It’s to help you remember!”  
“That you’re just a overgrown 10 year old? No worries, even I can’t forget that.”  
“HA HA THEA YOU’RE SO FUNNY.” I’d been standing to put my food on the coffee table and as soon as it was down he’d grabbed me, pulling me into his lap and ticking me in punishment for making fun of him.

Screaming in laughter I tried to get away but he pushed me down on the sofa pinning me there with his legs and hands. Before he got me down I had knocked over his stupid glasses with a victorious laugh but then he had me pinned and would take victory.  
“Say Uncle!”  
“NEVER!”  
“BEG FOR MERCY.”  
“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPER!”

Both of my hands pinned above my head with one of his, he used his free hand mercilessly tickling me until I was in tears and had cracked begging him to stop.

“You’re a bad man.”  
“Yup!” He grinned flopping on me making me grunt as I was squished under him, squirming until we were both tucked onto the sofa at least somewhat comfortably if not me getting a little crushed.

But honestly I liked it, his weight on me, it was a little arousing.  
Shifting my leg to get better situated I realized I wasn’t the only one.

“Sorry… I can—“ Dan moved to get up not wanting to grind a half chub on me but I locked my leg on him and kept him down.  
“Dude, it’s fine, I don’t care.”

He still sat up a bit, looking at me, his jaw setting in a serious Dan face. “Yeah but I do. Thea I—“ He broke eye contact first swallowing a little hard my heart was rushing in my ears. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”  
“I don’t.”  
“Yeah not… I mean just ever, around me. I don’t want you to… I don’t want us to change and I want you to know you never. Ever. Owe me anything, no matter what I’ve done or what you think I’ve done you owe me /Nothing./ I just really want you to know that.”  
“Dan I do…”  
“Okay because I also want you to know I really, really want to kiss you right now and if you don’t just say the word and I will never speak of this again.”

I stared back up at him, finally giving him a little smirk.  
“Well?”  
“Well what?” He looked really nervous and confused.  
“Are you gonna kiss me?”  
I wanted to always remember the way his face relaxed blossoming into a smile.  
“May I kiss you?”  
“Please.”

Leaning in it was just the softest brush of lips, I felt very uncertain about what to do, I didn’t really know if I’d done this before, I imagine I must have but I had read a lot of stupid lady magazines talking about kissing so I had an idea.  
And this just felt natural.  
He kissed me a little more firmly, his hand cupping my jaw to direct me a little to where I should go, how my head should tilt for him, his thumb stroking my cheek tenderly. 

Pulling back he looked at me, making sure I was okay, flushed and with my heart going a million miles a second I reached up to cup his cheek.

“I think you’re going to have to do that again. Maybe a few times.” I insisted. “I really want to remember it.”

Dan was happy to oblige.


End file.
